Anxiety disorders in Gen Z have more than doubled since the early 2010s. Right now, one in eight children struggles with debilitating anxiety, and most parents don't understand what's really happening when their child refuses to go to school, melts down over small things, or avoids situations that seem perfectly safe.
I didn't understand either. Even after 30 years as an educator working in classrooms, alternative schools, and a psychiatric unit for adolescents, I missed the signs in my own daughter. I have two grown children, and watching my daughter navigate anxiety so severe it stopped her from getting to class taught me everything my doctoral research and hundreds of institutionalized teens couldn't. I thought I understood anxiety. I was wrong.
At Signal Hill, we believe every child has intrinsic worth. They are worth fighting for. And one of the most powerful ways we fight for them is by truly understanding what anxiety does to their world and responding with compassion instead of frustration. Here are the five things my daughter taught me that changed everything about how I support anxious children, both as a parent and as an educator.
1. Anxiety Is Wildly Misunderstood
Here's what I learned: unless you've had diagnostic levels of anxiety yourself, birthed it in your children, or married it, anxiety is really hard to grasp. I'm not talking about test anxiety or feeling nervous before a job interview. I'm talking about the debilitating, exhausting anxiety that makes getting through the day feel impossible.
My daughter was terrified going through a sea of people to get to class. To me, it seemed irrational. To her, it was real and overwhelming. When we start to try to grasp the emotions behind anxiety, we encounter people better because we just get it more.
For elementary students: Anxiety might look like refusing to separate from parents, complaints of stomachaches, or meltdowns over routine changes.
For middle schoolers: Watch for withdrawal from friends, avoiding participation in class, or needing excessive reassurance.
For high schoolers: Teens might skip classes, procrastinate heavily, or appear disconnected when they're actually overwhelmed.
2. People With Anxiety Put On a Really Good Facade
My daughter is beautiful, presents well, is kind and sweet, and was never in trouble at school. She enjoyed high school and wanted to appear normal. Don't all teenagers desperately want to fit in? So she hid her anxiety.
This came up over and over in my doctoral research at the youth psychiatric unit. Students with a plethora of mental health disorders all said the same thing: you want to appear normal. People want to hide anxiety because of stigma, because they want to fit in, because they don't want to be different.
Even being aware that there is a facade helps us when we're encountering anxious children. They're not necessarily going to be totally open about their struggles. They might hide the physical responses. Your job as a parent or teacher isn't to force them to reveal everything but to create safety so they know they can.
3. There's a Genetic Component to Anxiety
I spotted my daughter's anxiety when she was about three years old, just starting to interact with the world more. But I didn't recognise what I was seeing. Had I known there was a genetic component to anxiety, maybe my radar would have been up earlier.
Research shows anxiety runs in families. In my husband's family, there's a long lineage of anxiety. This isn't about blame. It's about awareness. When you know anxiety runs in your family, you can watch for signs earlier and respond with understanding instead of frustration.
What parents can do: If anxiety runs in your family, talk openly about it with your children. Let them know it's not their fault, it's manageable, and you're there to support them.
What teachers can do: When you know a student has family history of anxiety, you can interpret their behaviour through a more compassionate lens and offer support proactively.
4. Anxiety Manifests Physically
Before I understood this, I missed so many signs. Now, I can tell across a room if my daughter is anxious. I can see it in the way she walks. There's a bit more of a waddle when anxiety takes over.
On that psychiatric unit where I worked, I could see students' anxiety physically from the end of a long hallway based on how they were walking to my classroom. Here's what anxiety looks like physically:
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Facial expressions: a tense look, raised shoulders, an anguished face
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Tapping: foot tapping, knee tapping, hand tapping, nail biting
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Body tension: a shaking torso, whole body tension
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Gait changes: walking differently when anxious
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Breathing variations, speaking in a quieter voice, avoiding conversations
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In severe cases: panic attacks with increased heart rate, sweating, feeling shocked
When my daughter was younger, she had terror over some social settings that weren't rational. She used to put her fingers up to her face and wiggle them as an outburst, which was her way of letting the anxiety out. If I had only known what was going on, I could have responded so much better.
5. It's Important to Differentiate Between Fear and Anxiety
Fear is a normal emotion that's a response to a real threat. If we're out on the water in choppy waves without life jackets, it's totally reasonable to fear drowning. If we run into a bear in the forest, we should be anxious because that's helpful for survival. If your child is anxious for a test, great. That's normal.
But anxiety is different. Anxiety is a persistent worry that is not based on a real threat.
What happened in our household 15 years ago was if my daughter skinned her knee a little bit, the whole world fell apart for her. It was an enormous response. At the time, I was frustrated and thought she just needed to toughen up. I did not give her the empathy she needed. In my mind, I was trying to help ground her with a realistic response, but I didn't recognise that for her, there was deep, debilitating anxiety about being hurt.
If I had tuned in more and recognised this as anxiety rather than melodrama, I could have responded better with dialogue. How are you feeling? Let's talk about this. I could have given my sweet girl the empathy she needed.
What Happens Next
When we truly understand anxiety, we respond differently. We stop getting frustrated when anxious children can't just push through. We recognise the facade and create safety for them to be honest. We watch for physical signs and genetic patterns. We offer empathy instead of expecting them to toughen up.
Because understanding anxiety teaches children something deeper: their struggles are valid, their feelings matter, and they have intrinsic worth. They are worth fighting for. And when we fight for them with understanding and compassion, we give them the foundation they need to navigate anxiety throughout their lives.
Want to hear more about supporting anxious children? Listen to the full episode where my daughter and I discuss her experience with anxiety on the Get On Their Turf podcast. She shares what it's really like living with anxiety and what parents need to know.
🎧 Listen to this episode:
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YouTube: 5 Hidden Signs of Anxiety in Teens Most Parents Miss
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Apple Podcasts: 5 Hidden Signs of Anxiety in Teens Most Parents Miss
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Spotify: 5 Hidden Signs of Anxiety in Teens Most Parents Miss
Disclaimer: Please note that the contents of this blog are not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. My scope of practice is as an educator, and this work is intended to provide information for educational purposes only.
Dr. Suzanne Simpson is an educator with 30 years of experience in classrooms, alternative schools, and a psychiatric unit for adolescents. Her doctoral research focused on supporting the mental health and wellness of young people. She hosts the Get On Their Turf podcast and provides resources for parents and educators at www.drsuzannesimpson.com
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